ex boyfriend wants to see my son

[KYRAWILLIAMS]

Hi, I recently got out of a relationship and we still go to the same church. We were never married and I have a child that is not by the guy, and he insists that I should let him help with the child. I told him that if he really believed he should be involved that he should join the children's ministry and deal with him there. The thing that hurts me the most is that while we were dating, he was involved in the child's life and insisted that I stop telling others that he was his dad, and now that he has decided to break up due to cheating and dishonesty, he wants to use my child as a pun to keep some kind of connection in my life. I told him that what is good for the gander is good for the geese. Since the relationship has ended, and he has abused his power to hurt and disresepect me, then why would I subject my child to a man's care with such low values and standards? What?! Does he think I am supposed to let him and his new girlfriend take my son out? He really has no remorse and is very inconsiderate of the entire matter regarding the pain of breaking up, being lied to during premarital counseling, and being cheated on with someone who knows that it is wrong. He says that I should let him see the child because his biological father is not around. I think I would clearly be compromising my own values and standards by letting him stay connected to my seed who is more valuable than he is giving him credit for. And I must reiterate that my son is not his biological child! The nerve of this individual! I am fighting to forgive this person and share the same church with him peacefully and by genuinely showing him brotherly love. Isn't that enough to contend with? And I can't even get my boundaries respected in the process of doing all this? I don't even trust a fornicator, so why would I allow that person to be around the child that he never even wanted to claim. What do you think? What would you do?

[Gentletouch]

Kyra, I posted my response to another thread but since you posted here again the same needs, I would like to put my response here.

Two thumbs up for you Kyra. You are doing the right thing. Do not let your fence down. He has no right to disrespect your desire if he is a good man let alone a good brother in the LORD.

"FATHER, thank YOU for good mothers who think and care of the influences their children are receiving. I loose from this man the disrespect he has for Kyra and her child. I pray LORD that YOU will surround them with YOUR power and YOUR love. I pray LORD that the man YOU have prepared for Kyra and her child will come when Kyra is ready to receive him. I pray LORD that she will not be cheated and deceived by someonew whom Satan will put on her way as a camouflage for the good gift coming from YOU. I pray LORD for discernment upon Kyra to know who is from YOU and who is not. I pray that YOU will supply her needs and the child. I pray that YOU will arrange people in the church nursery to intermingle with the child who will be a good influence upon the little boy. I pray LORD that he would not even get in touch the child until he had straightened his relationship with GOD in his life. I pray that YOU will send the child's guardian angel round about him to keep away people that his mom don'tr want to be with him. Thank YOU Daddy that YOU are involved in all the small and big details of our lives. We give YOU all the praise and the glory for who YOU are. I n CHRIST name we pray, amen."

GOD bless you Kyra. Keep up the good works sister.

Lots of love,

Gentletouch

[ozzie]

You two have had premarital counselling, so things were pretty serious then.

I knew a man who was in the same position as your ex. I think the reason he wanted to keep into contact with the kids after they broke up, was he felt sorry for them because he'd formed a relationship, it was his choice to break up but he felt guilty.

Men don't see things the same as women often. He may just be stupidly trying to do the 'right thing', instead of thinking of your feelings. Maybe he thinks the right thing is to have a good influence on your boy.

The bottom line though, is that he needs to let go - if his motivations are good or bad, the right thing is to let go. It's just too confusing for everyone. This may sound a little callous, but I think you should let go of the hurt you have toward this man too.

I know that you have been treated badly, hurt & it seems he's rubbing it all in. It may be best just to leave all this behind and start again. Pray about it, but you may want to think about finding another fellowship aswell. Forgive this man, think of it as a lesson (be thankful you didn't marry him, have kids, then found out he is unfaithful!).

I know this sounds all very matter of fact, but you've been hurt enough, I think you need to walk away from all this and seek healing, forgiveness & a new fresh understanding of His amazing plan for you.

[KYRAWILLIAMS]

Thank you for being a person who tells it like it is. Your suggestion has been one of my own that I was not sure about. I had strongly considered leaving the church but I also have ties to ministry that I believe God has blessed me to be in. He had mentioned having a mediator but I just feel any communication with him and even more so with a third party INVOLVED would just put further salt on my wounds and will give him a chance to validate everything he has done. You are definitely right on the money about the way men think and I also thought it was his way of feeling he was doing the right thing by requesting to stay in touch with my son. I am also fighting to heal, forgive and release the hurt that I received from him. I am doing great until I see his face or I sense that he is in the sanctuary. Recent conversations with him have made me so depressed that I find myself crying for hours and not going to work. I REFUSE TO LET ANYONE HAVE THAT KIND OF POWER OVER ME! I have been bought with a price and yes it is my desire to see true forgiveness and reconciliation between all members in the body of Christ, but like you said I HAVE BEEN HURT ENOUGH! I am strongly considering your option, as painful as that decision may be! Oh Lord be my guide! Thanks again, hun! Take care.

[KYRAWILLIAMS]

Thank you Gentletouch! I am proud to hear this from a woman of God! I knew I was right about my boundaries. I thank you for your prayers as well. Please keep in touch.